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pain and suffering, pleading.
I am sorry, Nika, but I cannot.
She turned her face away and stared into the darkness,
wishing it would swallow her and take away the pain that
was eating her alive. Her eyes closed when Winter
pressed his forehead to her temple and whispered into
her ear.
I wish I could.
His breath was cold against her cheek, as icy as the
wind. His skin held no heat. Reaching up, she gently laid
her hand on his cheek and held her sigh inside. She
could feel the struggle within him as clearly as her own
and wished there was something she could say or do to
make him change his mind.
She leaned into him and he sighed again when her other
hand brushed against his. Surprise filled her with
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warmth when his fingers tangled with hers and he held
her hand. She longed to remain here in the silence and
the darkness with him, away from everyone, alone. Here
he could love her and she him. Here he could be with
her without repercussions. Here they were free.
People don t venture much into these parts, she
breathed the words softly into the night and kept her
focus on Winter, monitoring his reaction to what she was
saying. If Willem were to die, then no one would tell the
Law Keepers. We could be together.
He said nothing.
She hadn t expected him to.
In the short time that she had known Winter, she had
grown to realise that he was a man who thought things
through and acted not on instinct but on sense. His
sense of duty and loyalty to his kin was clearly strong,
as was his sense of self-preservation, but these had to
war against his sense of loyalty to her and his desire to
protect her. She was counting on it.
* * * *
Winter held Nika s hand and led her back to the horse
where it waited in a small clearing in the trees. The
weight of her hand in his was more than he could bear
at that moment and the warmth of it made a dull ache
settle in his chest. Everything she had said echoed in his
head, tormenting him with endless possibilities and
outcomes. He could see them all playing out in his mind
like miniature movies, dreams that he wished he could
reach out and catch, and hold close to his heart and
treasure. He let them flit away one by one, fading into
the darkness of his mind, until only one thought
remained.
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If Willem were to die, no one would know about them.
That thought echoed within him, a torture that he
couldn t endure and couldn t escape. He planned to kill
Willem as revenge for taking Nika away from him. What
if he killed Willem and then couldn t resist taking Nika for
his own? Would it really be as simple as she had said it
would be? Hyperion would still know about her and his
feelings for her. He couldn t disgrace his bloodline and
turn his back on the laws as easily as Hyperion could. He
wasn t strong enough.
There was another reason though. Once she was at the
werewolf stronghold and he returned to the mansion, it
would be difficult to cross the land to visit her without
someone seeing him. The other Watchmen were sure to
start asking questions about where he went and
something told him that Hyperion wouldn t protect him
forever. Hyperion had asked him to return his horse and
to be back at the mansion before he returned. In his
heart, Winter knew that his lord was commanding him to
return alone and never to venture out to see Nika again.
But still the thought lingered.
If he killed Willem, only his lord would know about them.
He mounted Demeter and pulled Nika up onto the
saddle, settling her in front of him. Her clothes were
freezing to the touch, cold enough that he noticed it
through his gloves. He wrapped her in her cloak again
and then covered her with the two front sides of his. She
curled close to him, her warm scent filling his mind and
stirring his senses. His fangs itched and hunger rolled his
stomach. It had been too long since he had fed and the
temptation to take her blood was overwhelming. Having
her so close, hearing her heart pounding and her blood
rushing through her veins, pushed him to his limit and
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he wasn t sure if he was strong enough to keep control.
If she offered her neck, even unwittingly, he would have
a hard time stopping himself from biting her. The smell
of her blood was so strong that he could almost taste it.
She leaned into him, shuffling on the saddle and rubbing
him with her body. He closed his eyes and geed on the
horse, wondering how long he would be able to ride with
her so near to him. If it became too much, he would find
a place to stop and dismount to give himself a little
space.
The horse broke into a trot. Nika bounced against him
and his arm went around her waist to steady her. She
grasped the edges of his chest armour and clung to him.
He held the smile inside, amused by how frightened she
was of falling even though it wouldn t hurt her. His
momentary amusement faded when he realised that
they were both afraid of falling, but for different reasons.
The emotional tumble he was scared of taking was one
she had leapt into with both feet.
He stared up at the moon through the trees as clouds
drifted past it, obscuring it. Nika had confessed
everything to him and it had only made things harder for
them both. Her silence was testament to her hurt. Each
tear she had spilt had been for him and, as much as he
hated himself for paining her, they had tasted sweet
against his lips, forbidden nectar that he had never
imagined he would drink. Her suffering had made her
feelings clear as night, and had left him in no doubt. She
loved him. That knowledge alone would help him
through an eternity without her. If he had left her
wondering if she returned his feelings, eternity would
have been a cruel torment. At least this way he wouldn t
desire to return to her purely to satisfy his curiosity
about her feelings, and he would know that they had
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